How to Get a Snake Out of Your Car

Seriously.  'Cause it really can happen.

Really?

If you read The Coral Killer, you were probably thinking I totally made up that whole thing about a snake getting trapped in the family's minivan.

I wish I was.

I won't tell the whole story here.  It's in The Coral Killer, and if you live in Florida, or somewhere rather snake-infested, it might kinda freak you out (one of my beta readers called me to say that, sorry, she totally freaked at the flash back and had to stop reading there)!

Other than the fact that our snake wasn't poisonous, it happened to my family in real life.  Yup.  Doing seventy miles an hour on I-95.

And let me tell you, you can go from not-minding-snakes to seriously-traumatized-by-snakes in one car ride.

So here's what you need to know, if it ever happens to you:

The Truth About Snakes in Cars

(based on personal experience. this is obviously not legal advice.)

You Can't Catch It. There are just too many places for a snake to hide in a vehicle. It will slither into the most minuscule crevice.  Even if it is four feet long.  You can tear the vehicle apart and convince yourself it's gone, and there's nothing there.  But. It. Is. Still. There.

Forget What You Know About Frightened Wild Animals.  You can tell yourself (and your children) all day long that Sir Slither is now frightened and should be hiding in terror until all's quiet and it's safe to come out.  But it's not true.  Snakes do not belong in cars.  They have no instincts for this situation, so what they "should" do doesn't exist.

All Those Vents and Seat Belt Slots ARE Connected.  What's that you say? The AC vents are a closed system?  My snake begs to differ... He went in a seat belt track and came out a vent...  Just saying.

So How Do You Get the Vile Thing Out?

So, since you can't catch it, how do you get rid of it?  Simple.

1. Get everyone out of the vehicle.  Obviously you need to be somewhere safe.  Do not try to keep going.  The situation will only get worse.  
2. Leave the vehicle running.  This is easy, as you've probably thrown it in park and bolted away to chase down the shrieking children who are climbing out the back door.
3. Corral any passengers.  Once again, make sure all your kids/terrorized adults are together and out of harm's way.  Snakes are scary, moving cars are deadly.
4. Elect a Victim/Volunteer to go back to the vehicle (it helps to park in the sun).
5. Close all the windows and doors.
6. Turn on the Heat to full blast.
7. Watch and Wait.

After a bit your vehicle will reach a Non Snake Friendly Temperature.  At this point the Vile Thing (or possibly the Poor Creature, depending on your point of view) will tap on the window, begging you to let it out, because it is going to die if you don't.

​I'll leave it up to you whether or not to open the door.

Bonus Tip

If your passengers are totally freaked, like mine were, you are going to have a hard time driving anywhere for a while.  Mine really did try to duct tape every vent/crevice (see story).  But they were able to get in the van if I let the heat run for 15 minutes before we went anywhere.

True Story

So there you have it.  I put a lot of real life into The Coral Killer.  Therapy for me, and a fun ride for you.  And since you now know how to get a snake out of the car, everybody wins.